It feels like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's Dick!

Alex Eilhauer

Tom: We both know I deserve to get super laid for this.
Violet: Do you want me to wear a cape or something?
Tom: I want the show.
Violet: You get the Cirque du Soleil of shows...

To Tom and Violet! (Raises a toast) One assumes that everything is going to turn out like some romantic comedy, but most engagements end up like Saving Private Ryan. Good luck. God knows you're going to need it.


I don't know if we should be doing anything too official.


I need to be helped. I need you to rub my back, put me in my onesie...whatever you need to do baby, I'm yours!


Cedric (to Shannon Brown and Ron Artest/Metta World Peace): Why don't you and the stronger version of Prince go back down to that side of the court and do what y'all was doing. Cause if y'all want the court, you'll play us for the court like real men.
Ron Artest/Metta World Peace: So y'all wanna play for it?
Cedric: You heard what I said... am I stuttering?

There is no such thing as a perfect man.


Family Feud Steve Harvey, how could he throw us under the bus like that?!


Mya: I don't go out with guys who don't open the door for me.
Zeke: Really?
Mya: Really.
Zeke: Seriously?!
Mya: Yes. (as Zeke drives off, quickly and then, after a moment, drives back to the curb where she's standing) No he didn't...
Zeke: Gotcha...

Ladies, until you understand the mindset of a man, you are never gonna win in the game of love.

Steve Harvey

What do you call the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and insuffering...


Everybody ready for a good time?


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