[Going through his extremely old mail left at his childhood home] Oh, look. An acceptance letter from Arizona State.

Harry Dunne

Harry Dunne: Come on, Lloyd. You gotta get over her. Mary Samsonite was just a girl.
Harry Dunne: That's it, kid. Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out.
Lloyd Christmas: GOT YOU!
Harry Dunne: Wait a minute. Do you mean you have been faking for 20 years?
Lloyd Christmas: Mm-hmm.
Harry Dunne: And it was all for a gag?
Lloyd Christmas: Yep.
Harry Dunne: That's... awesome!

Harry Dunne: This is my associate, Dr. Christmas.
Dr. Lewis Meldman: Christmas, as in the holiday?
Lloyd Christmas: No, as in the tree.

Harry Dunne: Whoa, Lloyd. Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That's three hours away. Why can't I check 'em out now?

That's what you GET!


Sorry, we don't serve liars here. Can I get you a cup of bullshit for the road?


I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.


Ryan: I got promoted to sergeant!
Justin: You got promoted to sergeant?
Ryan: I felt like I deserved it.

We're the law, bitch!


I look like somebody hit me in the face with Lil Wayne.


Is this something you'd like to share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?


Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?

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