Comedy Quotes
You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' mother (expletive). You will be going in as undercover high school students.
Captain Dickson
When did I get stabbed?! That's awesome!
Schmidt
Can you two stop (expletive) with the Korean Jesus!
Captain Dickson
Deputy Chief Harvey: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
Deputy Chief Harvey: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
(Expletive) you science!
Jenko
Mom, dad, it's me, Thomas. Um, where do I start? This is supposed to be a small get-together. I wanted to be cool for one night. You know, I wanted girls to notice me. Then things got a little out of control.
Thomas
The only thing you're working on is diabetes you fat (expletive).
Costa
Wear something tight.
Costa
It's on till the break of dawn!
Costa
Even Wheelchair Robert got a handjob!
Costa
Party Goer: There's a midget trapped in the oven!
Thomas: What are they saying?
Kirby: I don't know. All I heard was midget and oven.
Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.
Costa
