Annie: What kind of a name is 'Stove' anyway? What're you a kitchen Flight Attendant: No. My name is Steve and I'm a man
Annie: You are a flight attendant.

Why can't you be happy for me, and then go home and talk about me behind my back like a normal person?

Lillian

There's sperm everywhere. I cracked a blanket in half.

Rita

I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.

Helen's Stepson

We'd like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore.

Brynn

Catch you on the flip side, motherf****er!

Annie

Adam's Mom Diane: I'm moving in.
Adam: No.
Adam's Mom Diane: I'm your mother, Adam.
Adam: Exactly.

Celebrities beat cancer all the time. Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.

Kyle

Kyle: You have cancer?
Adam: They found it yesterday.
Kyle: They found it yesterday? Who found it?
Adam: My cleaning lady found it in the back of my jeans. Who do you think found it?

If you were a casino game, you would have the best odds.

Kyle

Adam: You really think that a girl is going to go for me just 'cause I have cancer?
Kyle: For the millionth time. Yes!

I like to think that if you put your trust out there, I mean if you really give people the benefit of the doubt and see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion.

Ned

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