Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big "But...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big "But".

Pee-wee: Have a nice day.
Large Marge: Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh.

Dottie: Hello?
Pee-wee: Hi, Dottie, it's Pee-wee!
Dottie: Pee-wee? Where are you calling from?
Pee-wee: Texas!
Dottie: Huh?
Pee-wee: Honest! I'll prove it!
Pee-wee: The stars at night are big and bright...
Passersby: [singing and clapping] ... deep in the heart of Texas!

Cowboy #1: What's your name?
Pee-wee: I can't remember.
Cowboy #2: Where are you from?
Pee-wee: I can't remember.
Cowboy #1: Can you remember anything?
Pee-wee: I remember... the Alamo.

Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
Dottie: I don't understand.
Pee-wee: You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.

Hey, can I get another drink down here?

Willie

Kid: You are really Santa, right?
Willie: No, I'm an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?

Watching Boy: [stares at Willie] I saw you at another mall.
Willie: Well, I'm happy for you.
Watching Boy: If you really are Santa, you could do magic.
Willie: [whispers] Wanna see some magic? OK, let's watch you disappear!

Sue: I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie: So is my thing for tits.

I said, "Next," goddamn it! This is not the DMV!

Willie

Marcus: It won't happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.
Willie: That's right. I forgot to take my pill.
Bob Chipeska: It's not just the swearing. Forgive me for prying, but did one of you, um, fornicate...
Willie: Fornicate?
Bob Chipeska: Yes. With a heavy-set woman in the big-and-tall dressing room?
Willie: Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.
Bob Chipeska: Yes... Well, even still, I think it's best for all parties considered if we...
Marcus: If we what?
Bob Chipeska: Well, I have somebody else interested in the position.
Willie: Before you do something stupid you might want to think about this shit.
Bob Chipeska: What are you talking about?
Willie: I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers all over the sidewalk out there. Holding picket signs and using bullhorns and shit like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?
Bob Chipeska: Oh no, this is not a handicapped thing. I have nothing against you people.
Willie: You people? Did you hear that Marcus? He said 'You People.'
Marcus: Who the hell is us people?
Bob Chipeska: No... He said... But... what... No no. Um, I think it's best if we just forget we had this conversation.
Willie: Good thinking. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Let's get the hell out of here Marcus.
Willie: You're pathetic.

You ain't gonna shit right for a week!

Willie

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