We need to save our show from people who don't know the difference between a Tony Award and Tony Hawk.


Cliff: I begged my mom for a brother.
Torrance Shipman: He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?

Big Red: This season should've been gravy, ok? I handpicked the squad, I delivered an idiot-proof routine... Now, Platter... nationals, hello?
Torrance Shipman: Don't you mean a stolen routine?
Big Red: Don't be so naive, Torrance. Look, the truth is I was real hitter, ok? I did what I had to do to win a nationals. And ever since I handed the reins over to you, you've run my squad straight into the ground! If I made any mistake as a squad leader, it wasn't borrowing cheers. It was announcing you as my successor.

Isis: Where we come from, 'cheer' is not a word you hear very often...
Lava: They should call us 'inspiration leaders' instead.
Jenelope: Ooo, that's deep... I like that
Lafred: Look, I don't know why we writin to some talk show host. It's like we begging for charity or somethin'
Isis: It's not charity. Pauletta's from our neighborhood. She'll understand why we need the money.
Lafred: [laughing] tell her we need to buy doughnuts. Her big butt'll understand that.

Tried to steal our bit / But you look like shit / But we're the ones who were down with it.

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred

Les: Pinch a penny, someone's slacking.
Jan: Do I look like a milkmaid, 'cause somebody feels like a cow.

Torrance Shipman: Thank God you're here this season Missy. I couldn't have done it alone.
Missy: Aww, tear.

I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.


Missy: So is every game that eventful?
Torrance Shipman: No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf.
Missy: We might have to have a rumble.
Torrance Shipman: This is a serious problem!
Missy: Oh, so is your breath.

Torrance Shipman: Shut up, moron!
Justin Shipman: It's not my fault you're in love with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls.
Torrance Shipman: Aaron isn't gay!
Justin Shipman: Oh, so someone just made him become a cheerleader?
Torrance Shipman: He's just busy!
Justin Shipman: Yeah, busy scamming on guys!
Torrance Shipman: Give me that!
[rips out Justin's Nintendo game]
Justin Shipman: Bitch!

Torrance Shipman: Get out of here!
Justin Shipman: Hey, this is the living room, it's public domain!

Football Player #1: Jan's got spirit, yes he do!
Football Player #2: Jan's got spirit, how bout you?
Jan: Dude! You just lost!

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