Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher for many years, has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs.


What an ugly dog!


Jack Swigert: Now wait a minute... all I did was stir those tanks...
Fred Haise, Sr.: What was that gauge reading before you hit the switch?
Jack Swigert: Hey, don't tell me how to fly the damned CM, all right? They brought me in here to do a job, they asked me to stir the damned tanks, and I stirred the tanks!
Fred Haise, Sr.: You didn't know what you were doing, do you?
Jim Lovell: Jack, quit kicking yourself in the ass.
Jack Swigert: This is NOT MY FAULT!
Jim Lovell: No one is saying it is. If I'm in the left-hand seat when the call comes up, I stir the tanks.
Jack Swigert: Yeah, well, tell HIM that.

Lt. Col. Frank Slade: [Randy brings Frank a glass of whiskey] Thank you Randy. You still with Snowqueen Sugar?
Randy: Snowflake. How come you always get that wrong?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Because it's not important for me to get it right.

Coach Norman Dale: What's on your mind?
Everett Flatch: Well, coach... what you're doin' with my dad. I'm not seein' it. I mean, he's a drunk... he'll do somethin' stupid...
Coach Norman Dale: When's the last time anyone gave your father a chance?
Everett Flatch: He don't deserve a chance!

Arley: I got to take a shower.
Trevor McKenney: What?
Arley: I smell horrible.
Trevor McKenney: No you don't! You smell like a rose or something.
Arley: Are you sure?
Trevor McKenney: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

Sammy Jankis: What the fuck?
Doctor: It's a test, Sammy.
Sammy Jankis: Test this, you fucking quack!

My name is Kobayashi. I work for Keyser Soze.


[greeting a pair of visitors from Jefferson City] I heard tell once of a Jefferson City lawyer who had a parrot that would wake him each morning crying out 'today's the day the world shall end as scripture has foretold'. And one day, the lawyer shot him for the sake of peace and quiet I presume, thus fulfilling, for the bird at least, his prophecy.

Abraham Lincoln

We cannot be missing from our children's lives. They are ours to protect.

Reverend Shaw Moore

I want you ready and waiting in my playroom in 15 minutes.

Christian Grey

Carla Jean Moss: Sheriff, was that a true story about Charlie Walser?
Ed Tom Bell: Who's Charlie Walser. Oh! Well, I, a true story? I couldn't swear to every detail but it's certainly true that it is a story.

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