Harry! I'd almost forgotten you were here, standing on the bones of my father. I'd introduce you, but rumor has it you're almost as famous as me these days.

Voldemort

Did I mention, my leg is 44" from hip to toe. So basically we are talking about 88" of therapy, wrapped around you for the bargain price of $3000.

Vivian

We split up on April Fool's Day. So I decided to let the joke run for a month. Every day I buy a can of pineapple with a sell-by date of May 1. May loves pineapple, and May 1 is my birthday. If May hasn't changed her mind by the time I've bought thirty cans, then our love will also expire.

He Zhiwu, Cop 223

Basque: Thought you didn't eat soup.
Ennis Del Mar: Yeah, well I'm sick of beans.
Basque: Too early in summer to be sick of beans.

Fuck me like a cop!

Richie's Attorney

[after Andrew stops drumming] Is that all you have you worthless Hymie fuck? No wonder mommy ran out on you.

Terence Fletcher

Oh man... the bullshit piled up so fast in Vietnam, you needed wings to stay above it.

Willard

Stan Gursky: Alonzo, heard you had an expensive weekend in Vegas. How did you ever screw up so bad?
Alonzo: Hey, I didn't know. It's not my town. I'm not omniscient.
Lou Jacobs: The Russians don't care if you have a badge. They'll whack you. You ought to hop a jet out of here.
Alonzo: Why? It's an easy fix. I'll just cash in on an account.
Stan Gursky: Which one?
Alonzo: One of my old ones, my first one. The guy's a high security risk anyway. If I'm not around, who's gonna help keep him off the radar?
Stan Gursky: All right, it's your call. I do not want you to dick this up. I don't want to see you on the front page like the rest of those assholes.

Henry Hill: [narrating] And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice, like
Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.

Mickey: You're a bum, Rock. You're a bum.
Rocky: I ain't no bum, Mick. I ain't no bum.

Prince Caspian: Minotaurs? They're real?
Nikabrik: Not to mention big, huge.

He Zhiwu, Cop 223: Any canned pineapple that expires on May 1?
Cashier: You know what day it is today?
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: April 30?
Cashier: Right. You think we sell outdated stock?
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: There's still two hours to go.
Cashier: Nobody would buy it. Get a fresh one.
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: People like you are hung up on freshness. You realize what goes into a can of pineapple? The fruit must be grown, harvested, sliced, and you just throw it away! How do you think the can feels about that?
Cashier: Buddy, I only work here. Who cares about how the cans feel? What about how I feel? Loading, more loading, unloading... How I wish cans wouldn't expire! It'd save me loads of work. You like expired cans? Help yourself! As many as you like! On the house!

FREE Movie Newsletter