Alright listen up, we need to open our eyes. There's over two million illegal immigrants bending down in this state tonight. This state spent three billion dollars last year on services, on people who had no right to be here in the first place. Three billion dollars. 400 million just to lock up a bunch of illegal immigrant criminals who only got in this country because the fucking INS decided it's not worth the effort to screen for convicted felons.

Derek Vinyard

"Love conquers all." "Every cloud has a silver lining." "Faith can move mountains." "Love will always find a way." "Everything happens for a reason." "Where there is life, there is hope." [laughs] Oh, well... They gotta tell you something.

Aileen

If you win this case, justice will prevail, and if you lose, justice will also prevail. Now that is a strange case.

Lucien Wilbanks

Hey Steven... do I keep fucking your wife in the meantime, or what?

David Shaw

I fucking hate this job man. We spend nine hours a day, five days a week incarcerated in this wanky fucking store, having to act like C-3PO to any wanker who wants to condescend to us. We have to brown nose the customers, then we get abused by some... mini fucking Hitler who just gives us stick all day.

Jip

I can voluntarily perform a fanny fart at all times.

Nina

Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint any more. So the life that I was trying for, is over. the life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.

Simon Bishop

Danny: You're either in or you're out. Right now.
Linus: What is it?
Danny: It's a plane ticket. A job offer.
Linus: You're pretty trusting pretty fast.
Danny: Well Bobby has a lot of faith in you.
Linus: Fathers are like that.

I didn't know it was asshole day at the Valmont house.

Sebastian

Kid Twist: Now how do you want to work this? Flat rate or percentage?
Benny Garfield: Who's the mark?
Kid Twist: Doyle Lonnegan.
Benny Garfield: Flat rate.

Hal: Percy. Something to say?
Percy Wetmore: I didn't know the sponge was supposed to be wet.
Hal: How many years you spend pissing on a toilet seat before someone told you to put it up?
Paul Edgecomb: Percy fucked up, Hal, pure and simple.
Hal: Is that your official position?
Paul Edgecomb: Don't you think it should be?

Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

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