[after Paul thanks him for shooting footage of the genocide] I think if people see this footage, they'll say Oh, my God, that's horrible. And then they'll go on eating their dinners.

Jack

Coach Norman Dale: Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team - no one more important that the other.

[to the mirror's reflection of his 13-inch penis] I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star.... I am a big, bright, shining star. Yeah, that's right.

Dirk

Willy Wonka: If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of question is that?
Willy Wonka: No need to snap. Just a question.

The little things... there's nothing bigger, is there?

David

Harry Hogge: All right. While we're still under a caution, I want you to go back out on that track and hit the pace car.
Cole Trickle: Hit the pace car?
Harry Hogge: Hit the pace car.
Cole Trickle: What for?
Harry Hogge: Because you've hit every other goddamned thing out there, I want you to be perfect.

Coach Boone: Petey, how many feet are in a mile? How many feet are in a mile?
Petey Jones: [mumbles incoherently]
Coach Boone: 5,280 feet! You pick this ball up and run every one of 'em! You're killing me, Petey! You're killing me!

[discussing Cole's fearfulness after his big crash by intentionally destroying his engine during a race] You done it deliberate... done it deliberate! Nine thousand, four hundred RPM... according to the little tell-tale button.

Harry Hogge

Hermione: Everything's going to change now isn't it?
Harry: Yes.

Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.

Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.

Kirby

I shall tell you of William Wallace. Historians from England will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. The king of Scotland had died without a son, and the king of England, a cruel pagan known as Edward the Longshanks, claimed the throne of Scotland for himself. Scotland's nobles fought him, and fought each other, over the crown. So Longshanks invited them to talks of truce - no weapons, one page only. Among the farmers of that shire was Malcolm Wallace, a commoner with his own lands; he had two sons, John and William.

Narrator

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