Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.

Dorothy

Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?

Mike McDermott

Worm: You know what always cheers me up?
Mike McDermott: No, what's that?
Worm: Rolled up aces over kings. Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them. Playing all-night high-limit Hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold." Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Mike McDermott: Fuck it, let's go.
Worm: Don't tease me.
Mike McDermott: Let's play some cards.
Worm: Yes!

Worm: She's really got him by the balls.
Petra: That's not so bad, is it?
Worm: It depends on the grip!

Where did you come up with the scratch for that? You've been rolling fags in the Village again, haven't you?

Lester 'Worm' Murphy

Mike McDermott: If you had it to do all over again, knowing what would happen, would you make the same choice?
Professor Petrovsky: What choice?

First prize at the World Series of Poker is a million bucks. Does it have my name on it? I don't know. But, I'm gonna find out.

Mike McDermott

I'll be really quick. You won't feel a thing.

Mike McDermott

Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Laurel

Jerry Maguire: What are you doing with me, Rod?
Rod Tidwell: Why?
Jerry Maguire: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!
Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-f-cking-hoo
Laurel

I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.

Jerry Maguire

You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.

Mike McDermott

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