Don't toot your horn honey, you're not that good.

Elvira

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Tony Montana

Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.
Bo: I want spaghetti.
Graham Hess: Spaghetti sounds great. What do you want, Morgan?
Morgan: Anything? French toast and mashed potatoes.
Graham Hess: Good choice. Merrill?
Merrill: Chicken Teriyaki.
Graham Hess: I'm gonna have a cheeseburger with bacon. Extra bacon.

Everything has a weakness.

Merrill

Merrill: For the kids' protection. They were watching the TV from 5am on. I didn't want them getting obsessed, like you said. They should be outside, playing Furry Furry Rabbit or tea party or something.
Graham Hess: What's Furry Furry rabbit?
Merrill: It's a game, isn't it?

Kaffee: You think I can't subpoena Markinson?
Capt. Ross: You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 17 of his 26 years in the corps? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson.

Morgan: If you're gonna make fun of it, then forget it.
Bo: This is serious.
Graham Hess: I don't know what got into me.
Morgan: There are pictures. Dr. Bimbu, one of the authors of the book...
Graham Hess: Bimbu?
Morgan: Dad!
Graham Hess: I just asked his name.
Morgan: You had a tone.

SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.
Merrill: Hello Lionel.
Lionel Prichard: Merrill's a class-A screw up. He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could. Looked like a lumberjack chopping down a tree. Merrill here has more strikeouts than any two players.
SFC Cunningham: You really got the strikeout record?
Merrill: Felt wrong not to swing.

SFC Cunningham: You didn't used to play baseball did ya? Shit, I know you. You're Merrill Hess! I was there the day you hit that 507-footer over the left field wall, set the record. Man, that thing had a motor on it. It's still the record right?
Merrill: Got the bat at home on the wall.
SFC Cunningham: You've got two minor league home-run records, don't ya?
Merrill: Five.

Old Mrs. Kendleman twisted her ankle, as she puts it, diving for her life when a bunch of school kids rode down the sidewalk on skateboards. She went down to Thornton's store this morning and started spitting on the new skateboards. Spitting! By the time I got there, Mrs. Kendlemen had sprayed the whole damn place. And she must have had a cold or something. I'm telling you, I won't eat for a week. So, what happened to your crops?

Caroline

Lt. Weinberg: Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months.
Kaffee: One more and I get a set of steak knives.

Kaffee: Joe, if you speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Galloway: I had authorization.
Kaffee: From who?
Galloway: Downey's only living relative Ginny Miller his aunt on his mother's side.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?
Galloway: I gave her a call like you asked. She's a very nice woman we spoke for nearly an hour.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.
Galloway: Perfectly within my providence.
Kaffee: Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge.

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