Her husband was too drunk to know he was too drunk to drive.

Charles

Young Stud: I, I think she did too much coke.
Colonel James: Oh you think so doctor?

Ray Kinsella: The Voice is back.
Annie Kinsella: Oh, Lord. You're supposed to build a football field now?

Ray Kinsella: Don't you miss being involved?
Terence Mann: I was the East Coast distributor of "involved." I ate it, drank it, and breathed it... Then they killed Martin, Bobby, and they elected Tricky Dick twice, and people like you must think I'm miserable because I'm not involved anymore. Well, I've got news for you. I spent all my misery years ago. I have no more pain for anything. I gave at the office.

I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.

Maurice

Dirk: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, all right?
Record Producer: No, you don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk: In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense.
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk: Hello? Exactly.

Charles: That Isaac Newton fellow was right.
Nash: He was on to something.
Charles: Clever boy.

Annie Kinsella: [trying to understand the situation] I mean, Shoeless Joe...
Ray Kinsella: He's dead. Died in '51; he's dead.
Annie Kinsella: He's the one they suspended, right?
Ray Kinsella: Right.
Annie Kinsella: He's still dead?
Ray Kinsella: Far as I know.

Kurt Longjohn: Little Bill.
Little Bill: Hey. Kurt. What's up?
Kurt Longjohn: What's wrong with you?
Little Bill: Ah... my fuckin' wife, man, she's over there... she's got some idiot's dick in her, people standing around watching - it's a fuckin' embarrassment.
Kurt Longjohn: Yeah. Yeah. I know.

You don't know what I can do! You don't know what I can do, what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be! I'm good! I have good things and you don't know about! I'm gonna be something! I am! And don't fucking tell me I'm not!

Dirk

Ray Kinsella: I think I know what "If you build it, he will come" means.
Annie Kinsella: Ooh... why do I not think this is such a good thing?
Ray Kinsella: I think it means that if I build a baseball field out there that Shoeless Joe Jackson will get to come back and play ball again.
Annie Kinsella: [staring in disbelief] You're kidding.
Ray Kinsella: Huh-uh.
Annie Kinsella: Wow.
Ray Kinsella: Yeah.
Annie Kinsella: Ha. You're kidding.

Hansen: Cowards, all of you. Come on. Whoever wins, Sol does his laundry for the semester.
Sol: Does that seem unfair to anybody?
Bender: No, not at all.

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