Lt. Weinberg: You've heard her. My daughter said a word. She said, "Pa."
Kaffee: She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam.
Lt. Weinberg: That's right. She pointed to the mailbox as if to say, "Pa, look, a mailbox."

Kaffee: Joe, if you speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Galloway: I had authorization.
Kaffee: From who?
Galloway: Downey's only living relative Ginny Miller his aunt on his mother's side.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?
Galloway: I gave her a call like you asked. She's a very nice woman we spoke for nearly an hour.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.
Galloway: Perfectly within my providence.
Kaffee: Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge.

Lt. Weinberg: Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months.
Kaffee: One more and I get a set of steak knives.

Kaffee: You think I can't subpoena Markinson?
Capt. Ross: You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 17 of his 26 years in the corps? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson.

Kaffee: You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So please, don't tell me what I know, or don't know; I know the LAW.
Galloway: You know nothing about the law. You're a used-car salesman, Daniel. You're an ambulance chaser with a rank. You're nothing. Live with that.

Kaffee: It sounded like you were asking me out on a date.
Galloway: No, I was just...
Kaffee: I've been asked out on dates before, and that's what it sounded like.
Galloway: Do you like seafood? I know a good seafood place.

Kaffee: Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat?
Barnes: Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay.
Kaffee: Nobody said anything about a boat.
Barnes: Is there a problem, sir?
Kaffee: No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all.
Galloway: Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud.

Kaffee: I get sick when I fly because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain, I don't think Dramamine'll help.
Lt. Weinberg: I've got some oregano, I hear that works pretty good.

Kaffee: Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
Galloway: I still think we can win.
Kaffee: Then maybe you should drink a little.

[interrupts with game-show buzzer sound] eeehhhhh! Time's up! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a life time at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not listen to the advice of the galactically stupid!"

Kaffee

Capt. West: Commander Galloway, why don't you get yourself a cup of coffee.
Galloway: Thank you, sir, I'm fine
Capt. West: Commander, I'd like you to leave the room so we can talk about you behind your back
Galloway: Certainly, sir.

Kaffee: Excuse me, sorry I'm late.
Capt. Whitaker: That's alright, Danny, I know you don't have a good excuse, so I won't force you to come up with a bad one.
Kaffee: Thank you, sir.
Capt. Whitaker: The first one's for you. Seems you're moving up in the world, you've been requested by Division.
Kaffee: Requested to do what?

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