Stills Photographer: You know double-O-7?
Bob: He drinks martinis, but all right.

Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?

John

Lydia Harris: [on the phone] Is this a bad time?
Bob: [pauses] No, it's always a good time.

Lydia Harris: The burgundy carpet is out of stock: it's going to take 12 weeks. Did you like any of the other colors?
Bob: Whatever you like ... I'm just completely lost.
Lydia Harris: It's just carpet.
Bob: That's not what I'm talking about.
Lydia Harris: What are you talking about?
Bob: I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier ... I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating, like, Japanese food.
Lydia Harris: Well, why don't you just stay there and you can have it every day?
Bob: [biting his tongue] How are the kids doing?

Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob?
Bob: Only if you want to.

You're not hopeless.

Bob

Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room...
Charlotte: Mmm, that's nice!
Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.

Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: That's scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
Charlotte: That's nice.

Enjoy my jacket, which you stole from me.

Bob

Charlotte: So, what are you doing here?
Bob: Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.
Charlotte: Oh.
Bob: But the good news is the whiskey works.

Bob: I don't want to leave.
Charlotte: So don't. Stay here with me. We'll start a jazz band.

Charlotte: 25 years. That's, uh, well it's impressive.
Bob: Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 and change. You know, you're just a teenager at marriage. You can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.

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