I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.

Maurice

Dirk: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, all right?
Record Producer: No, you don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk: In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense.
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk: Hello? Exactly.

I know fucking karate.

Dirk

Kurt Longjohn: Little Bill.
Little Bill: Hey. Kurt. What's up?
Kurt Longjohn: What's wrong with you?
Little Bill: Ah... my fuckin' wife, man, she's over there... she's got some idiot's dick in her, people standing around watching - it's a fuckin' embarrassment.
Kurt Longjohn: Yeah. Yeah. I know.

You don't know what I can do! You don't know what I can do, what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be! I'm good! I have good things and you don't know about! I'm gonna be something! I am! And don't fucking tell me I'm not!

Dirk

Todd Parker: We're not leaving yet. We're here now, and we want something else from you. Hey, hey, hey hey! We want something else from you.
Rahad Jackson: What?
Dirk: Todd, what the hell are you doing man! Lets just go.
Todd Parker: In the master bedroom... under the bed... in a floor safe. Understand?
Dirk: What the fuck is the matter with you lets go!
Todd Parker: Shut up Dirk. I told you I got a plan. I got a very good plan.
Rahad Jackson: Are you kidding me, kitty?
Todd Parker: No, I'm not. I'm not kidding. I want whats in the safe. We want whats in the goddmn safe, in the goddamn master bedroom in the goddamn fucking floor safe, thats all.

Amber Waves: Let me just check on something.
[takes off Dirk's pants]
Amber Waves: That is a giant cock.

Reed Rothchild: Hey, are those lizard?
Dirk: No, they're Italian. I'm gonna fuckin' buy these.

See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.

Buck Swope

What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again.

Dirk

You know, I'm gonna be a great big bright, shining star.

Dirk

Before you turn around, you've spent maybe 20, 25, 30 thousand dollars on a movie.

Jack Horner

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