If you stare at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.

Simon Bishop

The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.

Simon Bishop

Melvin Udall: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were fifty.
Carol Connelly: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind, so so much for eyes.

Carol Connelly: Melvin, I'd rather not.
Melvin Udall: What does that got to do with it?
Carol Connelly: Funny, I thought it was a strong point.

Melvin Udall: I can't get back to my old life. She's evicted me from my life!
Simon Bishop: Did you really like it all that much?

You're a disgrace to depression.

Melvin Udall

Simon Bishop: Rot in hell, Melvin!
Melvin Udall: No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin! You'll be back on your knees in no time!

Carol Connelly: How are you?
Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts.
Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now?
Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly.
Carol Connelly: To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate.

Lucky for you... you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.

Simon Bishop

Melvin Udall: Oh, you were talking about your dog. I thought you were referring to that colored man inside your apartment.
Simon Bishop: Uh, what color would that be?
Melvin Udall: Like uh, like thick MO-lasses.

How much more you got to eat? Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?

Melvin Udall

As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap what or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?

Melvin Udall

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