Conrad: This is for you.
Nicholas: You shouldn't have.
Conrad: What do you get for the man who has... everything?

Nicholas: [reading card] "Consumer Recreation Services." Well, I do have golf clubs.
Conrad: Call that number.
Nicholas: Why?
Conrad: Make your life... fun.
Nicholas: Fun.
Conrad: You know what that is... uh, you've seen other people have it.

Did I have a choice? Did I have a choice?

Nicholas

They won't leave me alone! I'm a goddamn human piñata!

Conrad

Nicholas: No, what is this? What are you... selling?
Jim Feingold: Oh. It's a game.

New Member Ted: This was the best one ever!
Jim Feingold: [shakes Nicholas' hand] You know, thank God you jumped, because if you didn't, I was supposed to throw you off!

Nicholas: What's that?
Conrad: [signs document] This... is... the bill.
Nicholas: Do you want to split it?
Conrad: [exhales] Oh God yes! I'll take some of that...
[shows Nicholas enormous number at bottom]
Nicholas: [shocked] Oh my God.

And you really believe that just because you publish children's books, people care about my reputation? You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings, butt fucking Captain Kangaroo. The only thing they care about is the stock and whether that stock is up or down!

Nicholas

Daniel Schorr: [on TV] There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
Nicholas: That's impossible.
Daniel Schorr: You're right, impossible. You're having a conversation with your television.

Nicholas: I'll give you a boost.
Christine: You first.
Nicholas: This isn't an attempt to be gallant. If I don't lift you, how are you going to get there?
Christine: You pull me up.
Nicholas: It's much easier this way. Come on, step up...
Christine: No.
Nicholas: Please...
Christine: I'm not wearing underwear. Okay? There, I said it. Satisfied?
Nicholas: Oh. Fine.

I'm in the picture business.

Eddie Mannix

Toni Mannix: [Reeves steps in to get a photograph with Rita Hayworth] Just made it.
George Reeves: Beg your pardon?
Toni Mannix: Into the picture.
George Reeves: Was someone taking a picture? I hadn't noticed.
[Reeves lights Mannix' cigarette]
Toni Mannix: My, we're awfully well-trained, Mister...
George Reeves: George Reeves.
[Mannix laughs]
George Reeves: Was it the line or the delivery?
Toni Mannix: I laugh when I'm happy.
George Reeves: I see. Well, who is it I'm making so happy?
Toni Mannix: I'm Toni.
George Reeves: Just a poor girl with no last name.
[Mannix laughs again]
George Reeves: I had no idea I could spread this much joy!
Toni Mannix: Who knows what you might be spreading?
[Reeves grins]
Toni Mannix: Your turn.
George Reeves: I'm afraid you've got me!

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