Deirdre Burroughs: I disapprove of your choices.
Augusten Burroughs: I haven't had a choice!
Deirdre Burroughs: You did when you wrote this, didn't you?
Augusten Burroughs: You read my journal?
Deirdre Burroughs: Don't try and compete with me, Augusten. If you move back in with me, I won't allow it. You'll only get hurt. When I become a very famous woman, they'll write that I had a son who was a writer too, who doesn't compare to my brilliance. I want more for you than that.
Augusten Burroughs: Did you mix your pills again?

Kit Carruthers: You Tired?
Holly Sargis: Yeah.
Kit Carruthers: Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak.
Holly Sargis: I don't want a steak.
Kit Carruthers: Well, we'll see about that... Hey, lookie.

Jack: Be the hero of your own life story.
Alex Rover: Don't hand me that line - I wrote that line!

Look, if you're going to do this, you're going to do this... You can't build cover stories around a movie that doesn't exist. You need a script, you need a producer.

John Chambers

It's made of real fake gold.

Steven Connolly

[to Rogue] Hey, I'm not your father. I'm your friend.

Logan

John Smith: That left of yours is a thing of beauty.
Jane Smith: Mmm. You take it well.

Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.

Charlie

Derek Vinyard: Jesus, Danny. What the fuck are you thinking?
Danny Vinyard: Derek, there's a black guy out there breaking into your car.
Derek Vinyard: How many Danny? How many?

This might not mean anything to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

Harold Crick

Betty Schaefer: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis, but I just didn't think it was any good. I found it flat and trite.
Joe Gillis: Exactly what kind of material do you recommend? James Joyce? Dostoyevsky?
Betty Schaefer: I just think that pictures should say a little something.
Joe Gillis: Oh, one of the message kids. Just a story won't do. You'd have turned down Gone With the Wind.
Sheldrake: No, that was me. I said, "Who wants to see a Civil War picture?"

Charles, dear, use the royal flight. They keep one plane on permanent stand-by, in case I should kick the bucket.

The Queen Mother

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