That's a test? Where were you guys when I did my CPA?

Sammy Jankis

Ah. Lenny. That shit kills.

Teddy

I'm not a killer. I'm just someone who wanted to make things right. Can't I just let myself forget what you've told me? Can't I just let myself forget what you've made me do. You think I just want another puzzle to solve? Another John G. to look for? You're John G. So you can be my John G... Will I lie to myself to be happy? In your case Teddy... yes I will.

Leonard Shelby

You know what one of the reasons for short term memory loss is? Venereal disease. Maybe your cunt of fucking a wife sucked one too many diseased cocks and turned you into a fucking retard.

Natalie

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Natalie: Get rid of Dodd for me. Kill him. I'll pay you.
Leonard Shelby: Are you crazy? I'm not gonna kill someone for money.
Natalie: What then? Love? What would you kill for? You'd kill for your wife, wouldn't you?
Leonard Shelby: That's different!
Natalie: Not to me, I wasn't fucking married to her!

Leonard Shelby: Hi. Uh, Lincoln Street?
Waiter: Oh, you just take the main road...
Leonard Shelby: Hang on, let me write this down.
Waiter: Oh, it's easy. You just...
Leonard Shelby: Trust me, I need to write this down.

Sammy Jankis: What the fuck?
Doctor: It's a test, Sammy.
Sammy Jankis: Test this, you fucking quack!

It's just an anonymous room. There's nothing in the drawers. But you look anyway. Nothing except the Gideon bible, which I, of course, read religiously.

Leonard Shelby

Natalie: Tell me about her again.
Leonard Shelby: Why?
Natalie: Because you like to remember her.
Leonard Shelby: She was beautiful. To me, she was perfect.
Natalie: No, don't just recite the words. Close your eyes... and remember her.
Leonard Shelby: You can just feel the details. The bits and pieces you never bothered to put into words. And you can feel these extreme moments... even if you don't want to. You put these together, and you get the feel of a person. Enough to know how much you miss them... and how much you hate the person who took them away.

Christopher Gardner: How many planets are there?
Christopher: Um... 7?
Christopher Gardner: Seven? Nine! Okay, who's the king of the jungle?
Christopher: The gorilla?
Christopher Gardner: Gorilla? Nope. Lion.
Christopher: Yeah, lion, lion. You wanna hear something funny?

Dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"

Christopher

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