[hotwiring a neighbor's minivan] He's had my barbecue set for months.

John Smith

Hagrid: Blimey, I'd love a dragon.
Harry: You'd like a dragon?
Hagrid: Vastly misunderstood beasts, Harry. Vastly misunderstood.

Harry: Good of you to get us out of trouble like that.
Ron: Mind you, we did save her life!
Harry: Mind you, she might not have needed saving if you hadn't insulted her.
Ron: What are friends for?

Jane Smith: My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane Smith: Paid actor.
John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!

They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell... and are never seen again.

Gimli

Jenny Curran: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're gonna be?
Forrest Gump: Who I'm gonna be?
Jenny Curran: Yeah.
Forrest Gump: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

For your information Potter, Asphodel and Wormwood making a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the draught of the living dead, a Beozar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and will save you from most poisons. As for Monkshood and Wolfsbane, they are the same plant which also goes by the name of Aconyte. Well, why aren't you all copying this down?

Professor Severus Snape

Hermione: Look at you playing with your cards. Pathetic! We've got final exams coming up soon.
Ron: I'm ready! Ask me any questions.
Hermione: All right, what's the three most crucial ingredients in a Forgetfulness Potion?
Ron: I forgot.
Hermione: And what may I ask do you plan to do if this comes up in the final exam?
Ron: Copy off you?
Hermione: No, you won't! Besides, according to Professor McGonagall, we're to be given special quills bewitched with an anti-cheating spell.
Ron: That's insulting! It's as if they don't trust us!

John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.

[voiceover] When people ask me, good listeners, why do I hate all the Tutsi, I say, "Read our history." The Tutsi were collaborators for the Belgian colonists, they stole our Hutu land, they whipped us. Now they have come back, these Tutsi rebels. They are cockroaches. They are murderers. Rwanda is our Hutu land. We are the majority. They are a minority of traitors and invaders. We will squash the infestation. We will wipe out the RPF rebels. This is RTLM, Hutu power radio. Stay alert. Watch your neighbours.

George Rutaganda

What happened in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so naturally, the whole school knows.

Dumbledore

[after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.

John Smith

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