Tyler Durden: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
Narrator: What? In the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid.

Col. Hans Landa: Now if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast, it would be the cunning and the predatory instinct of a hawk. But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast, it would be that of the rat. If a rat were to walk in here right now as I'm talking, would you treat it to a saucer of your delicious milk?
Perrier LaPadite: Probably not.
Col. Hans Landa: I didn't think so. You don't like them. You don't really know why you don't like them. All you know is you find them repulsive. Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews. Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar, he looks everywhere *he* would hide, but there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.

You take it from here, Slugger.


Your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?

Charlotte Phelan

You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!


Rusty: God, I'm bored!
Danny: You look bored.
Rusty: I am bored!
Rusty: How was the clink? You get the cookies I sent?
Danny: Why do you think I came to see you first?

I just found out, that a girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway? You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that.

Mrs. Kintner

Jerry Lee Lewis: We're all going to hell for the songs we sing!
June Carter: And what about me, Jerry Lee; am I going to hell too?
Jerry Lee Lewis: No, June, you're beautiful.

The president's shitting bricks so high he can build the pyramids himself.

Jack O'Donnell

Karen Holmes: I never knew it could be like this! Nobody ever kissed me the way you do.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Nobody?
Karen Holmes: No, nobody.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Not even one? Out of all the men you've been kissed by?
Karen Holmes: [giggling] Now that'd take some figuring. How many men do you think there've been?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I wouldn't know. Can't you give me a rough estimate?
Karen Holmes: Not without an adding machine. Do you have the adding machine with you?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I forgot to bring it.

Ruben: Got to frisk you.
Tom Stall: Nah, I'll save you the trouble. I'm not packing.
Ruben: I got to frisk you.
Tom Stall: All right. I don't smell very good... I've been driving pretty much non-stop fifteen to sixteen hours.
Ruben: I'll hold my nose.

I dunno. See if she needs anything...

Billy Quinn

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