What are you doing with your life THAT'S SO GREAT?

Stephanie

Alex: [to Jimmy] So how come they call you rabbit?
Future: Cause he's fast and likes to fuck a lot.

Harry: Good of you to get us out of trouble like that.
Ron: Mind you, we did save her life!
Harry: Mind you, she might not have needed saving if you hadn't insulted her.
Ron: What are friends for?

Jane Smith: My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane Smith: Paid actor.
John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!

Alex: Why did you take off?
B. Rabbit: I don't live here.
Alex: So? Why did you take off?

That 'Leave it to Beaver' line almost killed me.

B. Rabbit

They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell... and are never seen again.

Gimli

For your information Potter, Asphodel and Wormwood making a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the draught of the living dead, a Beozar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and will save you from most poisons. As for Monkshood and Wolfsbane, they are the same plant which also goes by the name of Aconyte. Well, why aren't you all copying this down?

Professor Severus Snape

This guy don't wanna win no battle he's shook 'cause ain't no such thing as HALFWAY CROOKS.

B. Rabbit

Jimmy Smith Jr: Yo man, lets get the fuck outta here, I need some privacy man.
Cheddar Bob: Can I come?

John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.

What happened in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so naturally, the whole school knows.

Dumbledore

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