Jules: Don't you enjoy anything anymore... like girls?
Kevin: I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia. How's that?

Kevin: How come you never ask me if I want a date?
Naomi: I thought you were gay!

Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.

Billy

Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Leslie

Alec: You walked out on this relationship.
Leslie: I didn't walk out. You walked out.
Alec: You fucked Kevin!
Leslie: You fucked many!
Alec: Nameless, faceless many.
Leslie: Thank you. I feel much better now.

Alec: You cannot have the Pretenders' 1st album! That's mine.
Leslie: I bought it.
Alec: You did not! You can have all the Billy Joels... except The Stranger.
Leslie: I'm taking Thriller and Mahler's ninth.
Alec: Kevin is so fond of Mahler.
Leslie: I moved in with Jules.
Alec: Oh how nice, rommies again... No Springsteen is leaving this house! You can have all the Carly Simons.
Leslie: You got me those for Valentine's Day. Remember?
Alec: You ran out on this relationship. You take the consequences.
Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.

Eddie: This broad is not your wife, she's the enemy.
John Smith: She tried to kill me.
Eddie: They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly, and then wham. They hurt you. How you going to handle it?
John Smith: [grabs assault rifle] I'm going to borrow this.
Eddie: I like where your head's at, man.

Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.

Kirby

You're the boy who lived.

Hagrid

Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.

Walter Fane: Do you like flowers?
Kitty Fane: No... Well, I suppose. We don't really have them around the house. Mother always says why purchase something you can grow for free, but then we don't really grow them either. It does seem rather silly to put all that effort into something thats just going to die.

Lucky: What? You're looking for a job or something?
John Smith: You are the job.
[John kills everybody in the room]
John Smith: [looking at the cards at the table] Pair of threes.

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