Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry.

Kevin

Kevin: Well, you're all I think about.
Leslie: Me?
Kevin: And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you.

Get this thing off of me! Get this thing off of me!

Crazed Man in Massage Parlour

I'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats.

Sofía

David: Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around.
Sofía: I'll find you again.
David: I'll see you in another life... when we are both cats.

He never watched television, and yet his biggest magazine is still the TV Digest.

David

Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.

Even in my dreams, I'm an idiot who knows he's about to wake up to reality.

David

You're retiring, six more days and you're all the way gone.

Police Captain

I visited your home this morning after you'd left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir... her pretty head.

John Doe

Marriage Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question.

People don't want a hero, they want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto and watch television.

William Somerset

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