Little Bill: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Little Bill's wife: What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?

So, Jack tells me you've got a great big cock.

Colonel James

Reed Rothchild: Have you seen that Star Wars movie?
Eddie Adams: Yeah, I've seen it four times.
Reed Rothchild: You know, people tell me I kind of look like Han Solo.

Dirk: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?
Jack Horner: Yeah?
Dirk: I was wondering if you had any ideas.
Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me
Dirk: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.
Jack Horner: Tell me.
Dirk: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."

You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll.

Dirk

Reed Rothchild: Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees: playing, playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.

Kitty Fane: Do you absolutely despise me?
Walter Fane: No I despise myself.
Kitty Fane: Why?
Walter Fane: For allowing myself to love you once.

My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, all right? I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we're shooting tomorrow.

Little Bill

Amber Waves: What's going on down there?
Rollergirl: I have to go pee.
Amber Waves: Well, pee then.

If it looks like shit, and it sounds like shit, than it must be shit.

Jack Horner

Charlie Townsend: Women are always under the impression that men love them more that they really do.
Kitty Fane: I wouldn't delude myself for a second that you were in love with me.
Charlie Townsend: Now there you're wrong.

Jane Smith: You ever have trouble sleeping after?
John Smith: No.
Jane Smith: Me neither.

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