Come on Caleb. It's not like it's going to kill us. Yet.

Pogue Parry

Her husband was too drunk to know he was too drunk to drive.


Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.

Joanne Herring: [Joanne has just told Bonnie to get her a cocktail] She doesn't like me.
Charlie Wilson: Everybody likes you.
Joanne Herring: She's a liberal.
Charlie Wilson: I'm a liberal.
Joanne Herring: [puts her hand on his butt] Not where it counts.

You don't have to be alive to be helpful.


It's Hebrew, it's from the Talmud. It says, "Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

Itzhak Stern

Jasper: What did you do for your birthday?
Theodore Faron: Nothing.
Jasper: Oh come on, you must have done something.
Theodore Faron: Nope. Woke up, felt like shit. Went to work, felt like shit.
Jasper: That's called a hangover, Amigo.

Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.


Bill: What lies within that dart, just begging to course its way through your veins, is a potent and quite infallible truth serum. I call it "The Undisputed Truth." Twice as strong as sodium penethol, with none of the druggie after-effect. Oh, except for a slight wave of euphoria. Can you feel it?
The Bride: Euphoria?
Bill: Yeah.
The Bride: No.
Bill: Too bad.

I am a liberal Row-Ark. What I am not is a card-carrying ACLU radical.

Jake Tyler Brigance

Father Flynn: You have no right to act on your own! You have no right!
Sister Aloysius: [yelling] I will do what needs to be done!

In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudice against - a Jew broad - prejudice against Italians.

Tommy DeVito

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