They fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, and just when you think it's over, that's when the real fucking begins!

Conrad

I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children.

Nicholas

The game is tailored specifically to each participant. Think of it as a great vacation, except you don't go to it, it comes to you.

Jim Feingold

We're like an experiential Book-of-the-Month Club.

Jim Feingold

I don't care about the money. I'm pulling back the curtain. I want to meet the wizard.

Nicholas

Conrad: This is for you.
Nicholas: You shouldn't have.
Conrad: What do you get for the man who has... everything?

Nicholas: [reading card] "Consumer Recreation Services." Well, I do have golf clubs.
Conrad: Call that number.
Nicholas: Why?
Conrad: Make your life... fun.
Nicholas: Fun.
Conrad: You know what that is... uh, you've seen other people have it.

Did I have a choice? Did I have a choice?

Nicholas

They won't leave me alone! I'm a goddamn human piñata!

Conrad

Nicholas: No, what is this? What are you... selling?
Jim Feingold: Oh. It's a game.

New Member Ted: This was the best one ever!
Jim Feingold: [shakes Nicholas' hand] You know, thank God you jumped, because if you didn't, I was supposed to throw you off!

Nicholas: What's that?
Conrad: [signs document] This... is... the bill.
Nicholas: Do you want to split it?
Conrad: [exhales] Oh God yes! I'll take some of that...
[shows Nicholas enormous number at bottom]
Nicholas: [shocked] Oh my God.

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