You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.

Jonathan Carnahan

Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.

Evelyn O'Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.

It's kind of a win-win situation.

Chuck Wetherhold

I think he smelled the pot!

Vanessa Wetherhold

You're a giant toddler!

Lawrence Wetherhold

Lawrence Wetherhold: Why would you have a baby with me?
Janet Hartigan: Because you don't know how to properly use a condom.
Lawrence Wetherhold: Point taken.

Harry Pfarrer: Go around the corner, we'll do it in the back.
Katie Cox: You're so coarse.
Harry Pfarrer: Back of the car... not the rear entry situation.

Our world as we know it is much put to an end than you might think.

Ed Hoffman

You don't become a cop because you want to serve and protect. You join the force because they let you carry a gun and a badge. You do it because you get respect.


Nothing wrong with a little shooting, as long as the right people get shot.


When you walk outside, watch your back.


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