You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.

Jonathan Carnahan

Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.

Evelyn O'Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.

It's kind of a win-win situation.

Chuck Wetherhold

I think he smelled the pot!

Vanessa Wetherhold

You're a giant toddler!

Lawrence Wetherhold

Lawrence Wetherhold: Why would you have a baby with me?
Janet Hartigan: Because you don't know how to properly use a condom.
Lawrence Wetherhold: Point taken.

Harry Pfarrer: Go around the corner, we'll do it in the back.
Katie Cox: You're so coarse.
Harry Pfarrer: Back of the car... not the rear entry situation.

Our world as we know it is much simpler...to put to an end than you might think.

Ed Hoffman

You don't become a cop because you want to serve and protect. You join the force because they let you carry a gun and a badge. You do it because you get respect.

Turk

Nothing wrong with a little shooting, as long as the right people get shot.

Turk

When you walk outside, watch your back.

Turk

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