I don't know if i picked that circus but something told me that circus picked me.

Older Jacob

Circus Manager: Are you telling me that you were there?
Older Jacob: In the middle of it.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the most spectacular show on earth!

Older Jacob

Jacob: Who's the woman who works with the horses?
Camel: That ain't no woman, that's the boss' wife and she don't talk to nobody and you don't talk to her.

I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?

Jacob

The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

Jacob

I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar.

Hannah

I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.

Jacob

I have purchased a firearm.

Cal

I don't know whether to help you or euthanize you.

Jacob

Okay, The Scarlet Letter. To me, the A stands for asshole. Both Hester and Dimmesdale fall in love. Love is for asshole. So they are assholes being chased by assholes because they are assholes.

Robbie

[in a text to Jessica] Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher. They seem happy together.

Robbie

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