John Wayne! Are you tryin' to tell me he's a fag?

Joe Buck

One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy.

Frank Costello

Find Bond!

Charlie Tweeder: Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?
[Tweeder dances]
Charlie Tweeder: You know what it's called?
Mox: What?
Charlie Tweeder: The new Tweeder end zone dance.

I love you, and I need a piss.


Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.


Everybody remember, Lincoln Center and its ilk use these competitions to decide who they are interested in and who they are not. And I am not gonna have my reputation in that department tarnished by a bunch of fucking limp-dick, sour-note, flatter-than-their-girlfriends, flexible-tempo dipshits. Got it?

Terence Fletcher

Aileen: So where's your friends?
Selby: Well... Uh... I'm not...
Aileen: [laughs]
Selby: You're mean!

Union Soldier: Give 'em Hell, 54!
All: Give 'em Hell, 54!

Disneyland? Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland!


Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?

Mike McDermott

[to Wakefield] There are a lot of interests in this town. FBI, CIA, DEA, ATF, IRS. Right now they're scared of you.

Chief of Staff

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