Narrator: I'll tell you: we'll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis...
Marla Singer: You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.
Narrator: Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
Marla Singer: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator: You're kidding.
Marla Singer: I don't know... am I?
Narrator: No, no! What do you want?
Marla Singer: I'll take the parasites.
Narrator: You can't have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites...
Marla Singer: I want brain parasites.
Narrator: I'll take the blood parasites. But I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
Marla Singer: I want that.
Narrator: You can't have the whole brain, that's...
Marla Singer: So far you have four, I only have two!
Narrator: Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three...

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

Narrator

Tyler Durden: It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There's always that.

Narrator: [pulls tooth out] Fuck.
Tyler Durden: Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.

[on support groups] It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.

Marla Singer

Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me. That condo was my life, okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed, it was ME! [voice-over] I'd like to thank the Academy...

Narrator

I am Jack's wasted life.

Narrator

I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

Narrator

I am Jack's broken heart.

Narrator

Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?

Narrator

Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.

Narrator

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Narrator

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