Lester Burnham: I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. You two do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain.
Carolyn Burnham: Oh, you don't complain? Then I must be psychotic, then! What is this? Yeah, let's bring in the laugh-meter and see how loud it gets.
Lester Burnham: [throws the asparagus plate at the wall] Don't interrupt me, honey! Oh, yeah, and one more thing, from now on we're going to have alternate dinner music because frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here - I'm getting tired of this Lawrence Welk shit.

Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane Burnham: Yes.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.

Carolyn Burnham: Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch.
Lester Burnham: Relax, it's just a couch!
Carolyn Burnham: This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch.
Lester Burnham: [screaming] It's just a couch!

Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
Carolyn Burnham: [stunned] Uh, Buddy, this is my...
Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.

This is my first time.

Angela Hayes

Carolyn Burnham: My husband, Lester.
Buddy Kane: It's a pleasure.
Lester Burnham: Oh, we've met before, actually. This thing last year, Christmas at the Sheraton...
Buddy Kane: [pretends to remember] Oh yeah, yes...
Lester Burnham: It's okay, I wouldn't remember me either.
Carolyn Burnham: Honey, don't be weird.

Lester Burnham: Don't worry, honey, I won't be weird. I'll be whatever what you want me to be.
[kisses Carolyn wildly]
Lester Burnham: We have a very healthy relationship.
Buddy Kane: I see.

Lester Burnham: I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast.
Jim Olmeyer: Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
Lester Burnham: I wanna look good naked!

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