Well if you like borsch perhaps, but I've eaten better in an oily GALLEY. My wife said to the waiter, "where did this man learn to cook? AFGHANISTAN? So then we went on to the Bolshoi ballet, to see this new girl Gizelle. Well, you remember how BEAUTIFUL she was! Well, she just married a factory manager and...

Dr. Petrov

If you can love your enemy, you already have victory.

Preacher Green

This entire year's been a waste! I've just blown another year of eligibility!

Rudy

You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll.

Dirk

You wouldn't have a match by any chance would you?

Chuck Noland

Angela Holden: What's wrong?
Johnny Truelove: Nothing.
Angela Holden: Your dick's soft.
Johnny Truelove: Well give it some help then.

Y'all wanna win? Put Boobie in.

Boobie Miles

Mathematics... mathematics is never going to lead you to higher truth and you know why? Because it's boring!

Charles

Melvin Purvis: The only way you're walking out of this jail cell is when we take you out to execute you.
John Dillinger: Well, we'll see about that.

Am I really dying?

Bill

They fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, and just when you think it's over, that's when the real fucking begins!

Conrad

Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliot: It was NO iguana.
Michael: You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it.
Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: Maybe an elf or a leprechaun?
Elliot: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!

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