Am I supposed to come up with the questions, too?

Minny Jackson

Minny don't burn fried chicken.

Minny Jackson

Your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?

Charlotte Phelan

[in a text to Jessica] Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher. They seem happy together.

Robbie

Okay, The Scarlet Letter. To me, the A stands for asshole. Both Hester and Dimmesdale fall in love. Love is for asshole. So they are assholes being chased by assholes because they are assholes.

Robbie

I don't know whether to help you or euthanize you.

Jacob

I have purchased a firearm.

Cal

I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.

Jacob

I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar.

Hannah

The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

Jacob

I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?

Jacob

Jacob: Who's the woman who works with the horses?
Camel: That ain't no woman, that's the boss' wife and she don't talk to nobody and you don't talk to her.

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