Beth McIntyre: [sees monster] What is that?
Hud: It's a terrible thing.
[while trying to get to a flight of stairs, Rob encounters a parasite and kills it]
Beth McIntyre: Oh my God! What is that?
Hud: I don't know! Something else! Also terrible.

Dirk: Andy, get him out of here now!
Dorri: [to Farhad] Go, wait in the car.
Farhad: [to Dirk] You are ignorant man!
Dirk: I'm ignorant. You're liberating my country, and I'm flying seven four sevens into your mud huts and incinerating my friends. Get the fuck out of my store!

Graham: That is a nice gun.
Ria: Well, the car is registered to a Cindy Bradley. And that's not Cindy. That is a William Lewis.
[hands him a wallet]
Ria: Found under the front seat. Hollywood Division.
Graham: Looks like Detective Conklin shot himself the wrong nigga.

Anthony: [as he let go all the Asian people that are in the truck] Look, here's 40 bucks. Buy everybody chop suey.
[an Asian man takes the money and doesn't say anything as he leaves]
Anthony: Dopey fucking Chinaman.

Anthony: No, no, no, take that voodoo-ass thing off of there right now!
Peter: I know you just didn't call St. Christopher voodoo. Man's the patron saint of travelers, dog.
Anthony: You had a conversation with God, huh? What did God say? Go forth, my son, and leave big slobbery suction rings on every dashboard you find? Why the hell do you do that?
Peter: Look at the way your crazy ass drive, then ask me that again!

Well duh dude, this place sucks. But I just worry that one day we're gonna look back at high school and wish we'd done something different.

Charlie Bartlett

Principal Gardner: Charlie, there are more important things than popularity!
Charlie Bartlett: Like what? Cause I'm seventeen. And right now, popularity's pretty damn important!
Principal Gardner: Like what you do with that popularity.

Sir, would it help if I said I'd be considerably less likely to end my life if you let us do this?

Kip Crombwell

Never attack a drunk guy with a gun.

Principal Gardner

I'm just a stupid kid.

Charlie Bartlett

Charlie Bartlett: [passes a note to Susan] Hi, I'm Charlie Bartlett
Susan Gardner: [replies on a new piece of paper] Yeah, I know.

I'll see you in the sequel, bitch!

Murphey Bivens

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