He's chokin'. Whatever he sucked out of her, he's choking on!

Brutus "Brutal" Howell

What are you looking at, you limp noodle? Ya wanna kiss my ass? Ya wanna suck my dick?

William 'Wild Bill' Wharton

Brutus "Brutal" Howell: He's enormous!
Paul Edgecomb: Can't be bigger than you.

Honey, if you don't tell me what's on your mind, I'm afraid I'll have to smother you with a pillow.

Jan Edgecomb

Harry Terwilliger: Can you believe this? The son of a bitch pissed on me!
William 'Wild Bill' Wharton: Y'all like that? I'm currently cooking up some turds, to go with it. Nice soft 'uns. Uhhh! Have'em out to y'all tomorrow.

Percy Wetmore: Deranged killer? He look more like a limp noodle to me. Hey!
[to a doped Wild Bill]
Percy Wetmore: You've been declared competent, son, 'know what that means? 'Means you gonna ride the lightning. Haha.
Dean Stanton: Percy, shut up and give us a hand.

Harry Terwilliger: We thought he was doped.
Paul Edgecomb: You didn't ask?
Harry Terwilliger: [shakes his head]
Paul Edgecomb: Well I don't think that's a mistake you'll be needing to make again anytime soon is it?

Eduard Delacroix: [in the electric chair, about to be executed] Don't forgot about Mouseville.
Percy Wetmore: Hey. There's no such place. It's just a fairy tale these guys told you to keep you quiet. Just thought you should know, faggot.

Paul Edgecomb: Is his head properly shaved?
Dean Stanton: Nope, it's all dandruffy and smells.
Paul Edgecomb: I'll take that as a yes.

Hal: Percy. Something to say?
Percy Wetmore: I didn't know the sponge was supposed to be wet.
Hal: How many years you spend pissing on a toilet seat before someone told you to put it up?
Paul Edgecomb: Percy fucked up, Hal, pure and simple.
Hal: Is that your official position?
Paul Edgecomb: Don't you think it should be?

Brutus "Brutal" Howell: You all right in there?
Paul Edgecomb: Yeah, for a man pissing razor blades.

Gettin' to my knees. Prayin'. Lord in Heaven, sorry for all the bad shit I've done, all the people I've trampled on, I hope they forgive me, I won't do it again, that's for sure.


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