John Smith: [angry that Benjamin had blown their cover] You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It's the first thing you learn!
Benjamin: Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the day of don't marry the enemy.
I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.John Smith
John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.
You looked like Christmas morning.John Smith
[hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handyJohn Smith
Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8.
John Smith: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.
Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
Jane Smith: This lying bitch?
Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.
[after firing a rocket launcher] We should so not be allowed to buy these.John Smith
Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!John Smith
John Smith: Dance with me.
Jane Smith: You don't dance.
John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover too?
John Smith: Come to Daddy.
Jane Smith: [after she bashes him with a teapot and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?
Augusten Burroughs: I'm gay.
Natalie: Big dea