Laurel: You fuck this up, I'll kill you!
Jerry Maguire: I'm glad we had this talk.

I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Jerry Maguire

That's my mo-fo.

Tyson Tidwell

I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

Jerry Maguire

Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

Rod Tidwell

I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. S-it, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?

Rod Tidwell

On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

Dorothy

Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.

Dorothy

Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Laurel

Jerry Maguire: What are you doing with me, Rod?
Rod Tidwell: Why?
Jerry Maguire: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!
Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-f-cking-hoo
Laurel

It's not "show friends." It's show *business*.

Bob Sugar

I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.

Jerry Maguire

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