If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.

Angela Hayes

There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life.

Carolyn Burnham

Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!

Carolyn Burnham

Caterer: I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here.
Ricky Fitts: Fine. So don't pay me.
Caterer: Excuse me?
Ricky Fitts: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone.
Caterer: ...asshole.
Lester Burnham: I think you just became my personal hero!

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Ricky Fitts

Ricky Fitts: Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out.
Colonel Frank Fitts: [pauses] Well, me too son. Me too.

Lester Burnham: Then I guess I'll have to throw in a sexual harassment charge.
Brad: Against who?
Lester Burnham: Against you. Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester Burnham: No, Brad. I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.

Buddy Kane: You like getting fucked by the King?
Carolyn Burnham: Fuck me, your majesty!

You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!

Carolyn Burnham

Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.

Ricky Fitts

I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.

Jane Burnham

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