Albuquerque: See, what happened is, he made a million dollars on a fly swatter, because it had a red dot in the center.
Star: Fly swatter?
Albuquerque: That's right. Just a red dot. He was sittin' in the buffet, he was eatin', and he saw a woman and she was swattin' flies. And, uh, she... Uh, he said, "What makes the difference in fly swatters?" 'Cause it has to do with the industrial revolution.

Albuquerque: Well, I know it sounds arrogant, but I'm on my way to town, if I ever make it, to become a country-western singer or star.
Kenny Fraiser: Yeah? What are you gonna do if you don't?
Albuquerque: If I don't? I don't kn... Oh, I could always go into sales.
Kenny Fraiser: Like ladies' clothes? Like what you're wearing?
Albuquerque: No... I don't know. Well, I know all about trucks, so I'd go into trucking, I guess.
Kenny Fraiser: You're kidding me.
Albuquerque: No, I'm not kiddin' you. I'm in a truck enough. And I know how to fix motors and all that.
Kenny Fraiser: Nobody'd buy trucks from a girl.
Albuquerque: I been fixin' motors a long time. They'd buy 'em from me 'cause I know all about motors. Why do you say that? See, what's happenin' is, if I can't sell trucks and I can't go...
Kenny Fraiser: Nobody'd buy a truck from a girl.
Albuquerque: [Spots her husband's truck] I knew this was gonna happen. Don't say you saw me.
[Runs off]
Star: Hey, you haven't seen my wife, have ya? She's sort of ordinary-lookin'.
Kenny Fraiser: Uh-uh. Are you going into town?
Star: You're not one of them country singers, are ya?
Kenny Fraiser: No. Can you give me a ride?
Star: All right, get in. You look like a guy I was in the navy with. He wouldn't bathe, so we had to pee in his bed to get him discharged.

God, I thought I was in Israel. I don't know why. Certainly not the decor, was it? Must have been dreaming. I was there for about a year on a kibbutz. I was feeling very romantic about that kind of socialism at the time. I thought I'd like to have a bash at it.


Haven Hamilton: I don't know who you are or what you're doing here, but I will not tolerate rudeness in the presence of a star...
[pauses, glances at Eliot Gould]
Haven Hamilton: Two stars.

Barnett: Do I tell you how to sing, darlin'? Hmm? Have I ever told you how to sing a song?
Barbara Jean: That ain't the point. I know why you're goin' over there.
Barnett: Don't tell me how to run your life. I been doin' pretty good with it.

Haven Hamilton: What a surprise. Julie Christie.
Connie White: Who's Julie Christie?
Haven Hamilton: Who's Julie Christie? She's a star. She's won an Academy Award.
Connie White: Oh!
Haven Hamilton: No, I'm not kiddin'. For one of those pictures. I don't know which one. She's done so many.
Connie White: Isn't he a gem? He's got the worst sense of humor.
Haven Hamilton: No, she's lovely.
Connie White: Oh, come on. She can't even comb her hair.

Opal: Oh, you've got a Hal Phillip Walker button. No, it's Kennedy. Isn't that rather ancient? Strange. I thought that everybody in the South didn't go for Kennedy.
Lady Pearl: It's John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Well, he, he took the whole South except for Tennessee, Florida, Kentucky. And there's a reason he didn't take Tennessee but he got 481,453 votes and the asshole got 556,577 votes...

Now the problem we got here is anti-Catholicism. These dumb-heads around here - they're all Baptists and whatever, I don't know. Even to teach 'em to make change over at the bar, you gotta crack their skulls, let alone to teach 'em to vote for the Catholic just because he happens to be the better man...

Lady Pearl

All I remember, the next few days was us just lookin' at that TV set and seein' that great fat-bellied sheriff sayin' 'Ruby, you son of a bitch.' And Oswald. And her in her little pink suit...

Lady Pearl

And then comes Bobby. Oh, I worked for him. I worked here, I worked all over the country, I worked out in California, out in Stockton. Well, Bobby came here and spoke and he went down to Memphis and then he even went out to Stockton California and spoke off the Santa Fe train at the old Santa Fe depot. Oh, he was a beautiful man. He was not much like John, you know. He was more puny-like. But all the time I was workin' for him, I was just so scared - inside, you know, just scared.

Lady Pearl

Opal: [In an automobile junkyard] I'm wandering in a graveyard. The dead here have no crosses, nor tombstones, nor wreaths to sing of their past glory, but lie in rotting, decaying, rusty heaps, their innards ripped out by greedy, vulturous hands. Their vast, vacant skeletons... sadly sighing to the sky. The rust on their bodies... is the color of dried blood. Dried blood. I'm reminded of... of an elephant's secret burial ground. Yes. Cette aire de mystère. Cette essence de I'irréel. These cars are trying to communicate. O cars, are you trying to tell me something? Are you trying to convey to me some secret...
Kenny Fraiser: What... Excuse me?
Opal: Oh, excuse me! I thought I was completely alone. How embarrassing. Oh, you're a musician!

Opal: Have you been in Vietnam?
Pfc. Glenn Kelly: Huh?
Opal: Yes, you have. I can tell by your face. Was it awful?
Pfc. Glenn Kelly: It was kinda... hot and wet.

FREE Movie Newsletter