Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.Mike Shiner
Judd Altman: Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.
Penny Moore: No, you weren't.
Judd Altman: No?
Penny Moore: No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?
Judd Altman: Yep... That's fair.
Judd Altman: I'm gonna have to forgive her for the sake of that kid, aren't I?
Phillip Altman: Well, I'm no expert... but I think you're gonna have to make much larger sacrifices down the road.
Phillip Altman: Dad was a stoner?
Judd Altman: No, it was probably medicinal.
Phillip Altman: It always is.
Wendy Altman: Don't worry about Chelsea. Philip's skanky ex-girlfriends are a dime a dozen.
Tracy Sullivan: Do they all have to look like Victoria's Secret models?
Wendy Altman: She's not that hot.
Tracy Sullivan: Oh, come on! I would do her.
Wendy Altman: Yeah. I wouldn't say that in front of my brother.
Horry Callen: Brain injury. There are things I can't do.
Judd Altman: Like what?
Horry Callen: Like remember what the hell it is I can't do.
Judd Altman: I don't understand the Shiva. Mom's not even Jewish, and dad was an atheist.
Wendy Altman: A Jewish atheist, and this is what he wanted.
Hillary Altman: You can't leave this house; we're sitting shiva.
Wendy Altman: Mom, you're sitting in the exact same spot we put our Christmas tree.
Penny Moore: You used to laugh at my jokes.
Judd Altman: No, I didn't.
Penny Moore: Yes, you did.
Judd Altman: Yes, I did, but your jokes used to be funnier.
It's hard to see people from your past when your present is so cataclysmically screwed up.Judd Altman
Paul Altman: Dad always had a soft spot for him.
Judd Altman: I think he liked us because we're a lot like him; he liked Phillip because he's nothing like him.
Phillip Altman: Sometimes I think you're too good for me.
Tracy Sullivan: Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.