Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.

Adrian Cronauer

Goooooooood morning, Vietnam! Hey, this is not a test! This is rock and roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the D.M.Z.!

Adrian Cronauer

Yesterday I bought my first pair of American shoes. They were made in Italy.

Vladimir Ivanoff

Phillip Altman: Sometimes I think you're too good for me.
Tracy Sullivan: Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.

Paul Altman: Dad always had a soft spot for him.
Judd Altman: I think he liked us because we're a lot like him; he liked Phillip because he's nothing like him.

It's hard to see people from your past when your present is so cataclysmically screwed up.

Judd Altman

Penny Moore: You used to laugh at my jokes.
Judd Altman: No, I didn't.
Penny Moore: Yes, you did.
Judd Altman: Yes, I did, but your jokes used to be funnier.

Hillary Altman: You can't leave this house; we're sitting shiva.
Wendy Altman: Mom, you're sitting in the exact same spot we put our Christmas tree.

Judd Altman: I don't understand the Shiva. Mom's not even Jewish, and dad was an atheist.
Wendy Altman: A Jewish atheist, and this is what he wanted.

Horry Callen: Brain injury. There are things I can't do.
Judd Altman: Like what?
Horry Callen: Like remember what the hell it is I can't do.

Wendy Altman: Don't worry about Chelsea. Philip's skanky ex-girlfriends are a dime a dozen.
Tracy Sullivan: Do they all have to look like Victoria's Secret models?
Wendy Altman: She's not that hot.
Tracy Sullivan: Oh, come on! I would do her.
Wendy Altman: Yeah. I wouldn't say that in front of my brother.

Phillip Altman: Dad was a stoner?
Judd Altman: No, it was probably medicinal.
Phillip Altman: It always is.

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