My child, you have come to me my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.

Thulsa Doom

For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

Conan's Father

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!


Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult.

Black Lotus Street Peddler

I'm a wizard, mind you. This place is kept by powerful gods and spirits of kings. Harm my flesh and you will have to deal with the dead!

The Wizard

That which does not kill us makes us stronger - Friedrich Nietzsche

Title Card

Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Craig Schwartz

You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!

Craig Schwartz

Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.


She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.

Dr. Lester

Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.


Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.


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