Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.

Maxine

I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Dr. Lester

Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?

Maxine

Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius!

Charlie

You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.

Craig Schwartz

I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.

Lotte Schwartz

There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.

Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich)

There is no defeat in death, Master Bruce. Victory comes in defending what we know is right while we still live.

Alfred

I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms.

Robin

Poison... Poison Ivy.

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy

Chicks like you give women a bad name.

Batgirl

Robin: I need a sign that you've turned over a new leaf.
Ivy: How about "slippery when wet?"

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