Lisa: Animal.
Tom Witzky: What'd I do this time?
Lisa: Should I tell him?
Maggie Witzky: If you wanna die!
Lisa: Well, your beer-addled sperm still works.

Eben Olemaun: We have more important things to think about. I'll check on Gus.
The Stranger: Check on Gus. Board the windows. Try to hide. They're coming. This time they're gonna take me with them. They're gonna honor me, for all I've done.
Eben Olemaun: They? Who are they?

Nobody has ever lasted more than an hour in that room.

Gerald Olin


Maggie Witzky

Don't be afraid of it, Daddy.

Jake Witzky

Maggie Witzky: She's a witch. She took one look at me and guessed. Well, say something.
Tom Witzky: Bummer.
Maggie Witzky: Something else.

The Stranger: Mr. and Mrs. Sheriff. So sweet. So helpless against what is coming.
Stella Oleson: He's just trying to freak us out.
Jake Oleson: It's working.

Lisa: So, she's six weeks pregnant. That means the baby's due in... April, May... June. Gemini. That's cool. Einstein was a Gemini. So's that Scottish gal from Garbage.
Tom Witzky: Will you go help Jake with his pajamas?
Lisa: If she's late...
Tom Witzky: Lisa, I swear to God, start with the Dionne Warwick stuff and I'll throw you out of the fuckin' window, so please help him with the pajamas.
Lisa: Love you, too, Tom.

Does it hurt to be dead?

Jake Witzky

[to her husband after he stares at a group of girls] Why don't you just lick 'em when they walk by?


Look what I'm not cleaning up.

Maggie Witzky

Waitress: Excuse me, but are you Paul Sheldon?
Paul Sheldon: Yes.
Waitress: I just wanted to tell you I'm your number one fan!
Paul Sheldon: That's... very sweet of you...

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