A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

Mark

Oh, great. Valium. Not only will we be able to go to sleep, if we get attacked in the middle of the night, we won't even care.

Jim

This is what I've seen in the four weeks since infection. People killing people. Which is much what I saw in the four weeks before infection, and the four weeks before that, and before that, and as far back as I care to remember. People killing people. Which to my mind, puts us in a state of normality right now.

Major Henry West

My family's always been in meat.

Hitchhiker

[referring to the Hitchhiker] I think we just picked up Dracula.

Franklin

Those girls... those girls don't wanna go messin' round no old house!

Old Man

[when approaching a slaughterhouse] What's that stench?

Kirk

Hey, listen to Franklin's horoscope. "Travel in the country, long-range plans, and upsetting persons around you, could make this a disturbing and unpredictable day."

Pam

Sally: [when they arrive at the old house, upon seeing its condition] Oh, I wish they hadn't let the place fall apart.
Jerry: Now it looks like the birthplace of Bela Lugosi.

[to Leatherface] You... you damn fool! You ruined the door! Ain't he got no pride in his home?

Old Man

Dick Hallorann: Mrs. Torrance, your husband inroduced you as Winifred. Now, are you a Winnie or a Freddy?
Wendy Torrance: I'm a Wendy.
Dick Hallorann: Oh. That's nice, that's the prettiest.

Stuart Ullman: Four presidents, movie stars...
Wendy Torrance: Royalty?
Stuart Ullman: All the best people.

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