Sam Loomis: You mean the old woman I saw tonight wasn't Mrs. Bates?
Deputy Sheriff Al Chambers: Now wait a minute, Sam, are you sure you saw an old woman?
Sam Loomis: Yes! In the house behind the motel! I called and I pounded but she just ignored me!

They were going to kill you in cold blood. I couldn't let that happen. Not here. This is a decent neighborhood!

Frank McCarthy

Tom Witzky: I never wanted to be famous. I just never expected to be so...
Maggie Witzky: What?
Tom Witzky: I don't know, ordinary.

It doesn't surprise me that there's another woman. Of course, the fact that she's dead gives one pause.


Look what I'm not cleaning up.

Maggie Witzky

[to her husband after he stares at a group of girls] Why don't you just lick 'em when they walk by?


Does it hurt to be dead?

Jake Witzky

Lisa: So, she's six weeks pregnant. That means the baby's due in... April, May... June. Gemini. That's cool. Einstein was a Gemini. So's that Scottish gal from Garbage.
Tom Witzky: Will you go help Jake with his pajamas?
Lisa: If she's late...
Tom Witzky: Lisa, I swear to God, start with the Dionne Warwick stuff and I'll throw you out of the fuckin' window, so please help him with the pajamas.
Lisa: Love you, too, Tom.

Maggie Witzky: She's a witch. She took one look at me and guessed. Well, say something.
Tom Witzky: Bummer.
Maggie Witzky: Something else.

Don't be afraid of it, Daddy.

Jake Witzky


Maggie Witzky

Lisa: Animal.
Tom Witzky: What'd I do this time?
Lisa: Should I tell him?
Maggie Witzky: If you wanna die!
Lisa: Well, your beer-addled sperm still works.

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