Did you know a young boy drowned here? He was my son. And today, is his birthday.

Pamela Voorhees

Hey, I'm not from around here, but I'm looking for my sister. She's gone missing.

Clay

Who am I going to tell my stories to?

Mildred

I love you... I have a condom.

Matt

Jenna: Right now, I feel safer with him than I do with you.
Trent: You just dug your own grave, bitch.

[to Bree] Your tits are stupendous!

Trent

Richie: Do you know how many lakes there are named Crystal-something? Go to the supermarket, every single bottled water is named 'Crystal' something!
Wade: Aquafina.

[to Lawrence about Bree] I would have better luck having sex with a penguin than I would with that girl.

Chewie

[while watching Bree dancing] In my next life I want to come back as one of the buttons on the ass pockets of her jean shorts.

Chewie

Have you forgotten how to drink that? First, you bring it to your lips. Then you blow it. Then you suck.

Bree

Let's "Encyclopedia Brown" this shit.

Mike Enslin

[on observing a snuff movie] I bet this gets the honeymooners in the mood.

David Fox

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