[seeing Alice Cooper] Ugliest woman I've ever seen.

Barnabas Collins

Welcome to Collinwood. You'll have to imagine us on a better day.

Roger Collins

Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.

Dr. Julia Hoffman

Barnabas Collins: Tell me, future dweller, what is the year?
Willie Loomis: 1972.

Witch, you cursed me to be this hideous creature! You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!

Barnabas Collins

Barnabas Collins: How soon can the horses be ready?
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: We don't have horses, we have a Chevy.

Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.

Alice: The boy. Is he dead, too?
Tierney: Who?
Alice: The boy. Jason.
Tierney: Jason?
Alice: In the lake, the one - the one who attacked me - the one who pulled me underneath the water.
Tierney: Ma'am, we didn't find any boy.
Alice: But - then he's still out there.

Alice: Who are you?
Pamela Voorhees: Why I'm... I'm Mrs. Voorhees, an old friend of the Christys'.

If this is a joke, I'm gonna brain 'em!


Brenda: Just wait until he lands on my old Kentucky home.
Bill: More beer? More beer.

You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday.

Pamela Voorhees

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