Jeff: So what do you guys think: Ancient Mayan temple off the beaten path?

Casey: Listen asshole!
Phone Voice: No you listen to me you little bitch! You hang up on me again and I'll gut you like a fish!

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

Mark

[Mr. Peter Myers takes off the clown mask] Michael?

Mr. Peter Myers

Dr. David Marrow: Ok, so what do we all need in life? What are the basics? Food, water, shelter...
Theo: ...Sex.

Yeah, it worked, but they're about to cut the power.

Eben Olemaun

Why have you disturbed our sleep; awakened us from our ancient slumber? You will die! Like the others before you, one by one, we will take you.

Cheryl

Ryan Shoos: We gotta pull the fire alarm, somebody will find us.
Pfeifer Ross: [Upon discovering Charlie is standing behind brandishing his noose] Ahhh! No please no!

Well, I think Bill's got a point. If you look at the whole life of the planet, we... you know, man, has only been around for a few blinks of an eye. So if the infection wipes us all out, that is a return to normality.

Sergeant Farrell

Demon: What an excellent day for an exorcism.
Father Damien Karras: You would like that?
Demon: Intensely.
Father Damien Karras: But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?
Demon: It would bring us together.
Father Damien Karras: You and Regan?
Demon: You and us.

Maggie Witzky: LISA?
Lisa: You impregnated my sister again.
Maggie Witzky: BITCH!
Lisa: I thought you wanted me to tell him.
Maggie Witzky: Why, because I said don't?

[on observing a snuff movie] I bet this gets the honeymooners in the mood.

David Fox

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