That's our new computer. We can pinpoint any fire in town with that. It's perfect for us, because, you know, we're the fire department.

Andy

Thanks for dinner. I've never seen potatoes cooked like that before.

Jonah Baldwin

Sophie Fisher: [Moves chair]
Alex Fletcher: What are you doing, you madwoman, you're wrecking my apartment!
Sophie Fisher: Well, I can't write sitting all the way across the room.
Alex Fletcher: No, go back to your corner!
Alex Fletcher: ...Fine, alright.
Alex Fletcher: I'm blocked. How am I supposed to get out?
Sophie Fisher: Go out the other side.
Alex Fletcher: But... but... I've never been out the other side.

Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.

Sandy: He's got a great ass.
Roxanne Kowalski: Too bad it's on his shoulders.

Jay: Well, this is fate! She's divorced, we don't want to redo the cabinets, and you need a wife. What do they call it when everything intersects?
Sam Baldwin: The Bermuda Triangle.

Your breasts, they're like melons. No, no, they're like pillows. Can I fluff your pillows?

Chris McConnell

I, uh, notice you don't have any tattoos. I think that's a wise choice. I don't think Jackie Onassis would've gone as far if she'd have had an anchor on her arm.

C.D. Bales

Jonah Baldwin: Talk to her, dad. She's a doctor.
Sam Baldwin: Of what? Her first name could be Doctor.

Alex Fletcher: Theoretically, I could pick you up because I will be taking a cab.
Sophie Fisher: I could be standing outside at 9:40 in bright orange clothes, so you wouldn't miss me...
Alex Fletcher: Oh good, you'll get some road work done while you wait then.

Penny: Johnny, what are you doing?
Johnny: Don't worry about Max; I'll tell him your grandma died.
Penny: How many times have you told me never to get mixed up with them?
Johnny: [long silence] I know what I'm doing, Penny.
Penny: You listen to me; you've got to stop it, now.

I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream - and I hope you don't find this too crazy - is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, "Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!" That would be bad.

C.D. Bales

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